Next (2007)

This is one of the hardest reviews I’ve ever had to write. Everything I’m about to tell you can be summed up by the picture just below, Nic Cage strapped down with strange glasses on. This image is widely available on the net, so I hope I’m not spoiling anything for you, but this exemplifies the logic used throughout the film. Simply put, there is no logic. But in that manner the movie is pretty consistent. See the problem? You can’t poke holes in something that doesn’t have any fabric to begin with. I’m going to put a true spoiler in inviso-text at the bottom if you want the full explanation behind why this picture doesn’t add up.

Next is the story of Nic Cage as a guy who can see two minutes into the future. He’s got a small time magic act in Vegas. What does being able to see the future have to do with being able to do magic? Nothing so far as I can tell, but somehow this is used as an example of his power. Note: he can’t make things appear, or stop time; he’s only able to see possibilities for the future. How that would make a Rose catch on fire I have no idea. He goes and plays blackjack with his two minutes ahead. Why he can’t do more with this power is somewhat stymieing. Yeah, it’s only two minutes, but couldn’t you play the stock market for about a week and retire to an island where your future was only hot girls and tropical drinks? I don’t know, maybe the guy never thought of that or couldn’t afford an internet connection (even though he always wins at blackjack). Anyway, he meets Jessica Biel, she’s the one thing in his life he’s been able to see further than the two minutes. He tries different approaches with her, Groundhog Day style, but again I’m confused. Time is going forward while he’s seeing all the possible rejections he could face but then does the actual him hit the right one in real time? It’s like someone came up with a pretty cool concept that’s theoretically and logically crazy. Like a lead airplane without an engine, so that you couldn’t shoot it down or find a heat signature.

Enter Julianne Moore as a brutally bad FBI agent. When I say brutally, I mean it; this is a role she should never should have taken. I wonder if she can still sue to have the her part deleted out (trust me, everything would still be on the same logic level). She wants to be Jodie Foster here but instead it’s like Carrot Top took on the part. She runs all over the place and barks commands. It’s about as believable as her levitating. She’s trying to track down Nic Cage because he can help her stop a bomb. The guys with the bomb are straight out of the 80’s. Who are they? Why do they have a bomb? Why are they chasing Nic Cage too? How does everyone know about him? These are all questions that are completely ignored. Next doesn’t even attempt the notion of making any sense. Everything that happens must just be accepted.

In some weird way though I’d say this could be a decent matinee. If you’re the thinking type you’ll be interested, but only in trying to make it all add up. It won’t, not even a little, but you won’t exactly notice time passing or feel bored. You’ll keep trying to decipher something that’s in a language not yet invented. The best analogy I can give you would be as follows. Say you have a little brother. He’s a great kid, about ten years old. You come home one day and find him dressed as a dinosaur. When you ask him what’s up he growls and says he wants a grilled cheese. You smile, and wonder exactly what the hell is going on in his head. But you’ll never figure it out will you? He’s just in a different place, an indecipherable place. That’s Next.

Here’s the spoiler if you want it (highlight the black). Okay, here’s the true craziness with that picture. The guy can see the future. He does this just walking around. And yet, when they capture him, they give him this weird thing to make his eyes stay open. His eyes have nothing to do with it, he’s a psychic. I could see strapping him down so he didn’t escape, but why the eye thing? I think some prop maker just had to get the futuristic psychic glasses in the shot. Crazy talk.