Movie Review: Valentine's Day (2010)
An awful trick to get unsuspecting women into theaters
Photo: New Line Cinema
There is really nothing positive to say about Valentine's Day, a rom-com featuring a cast of recognizable TV stars with Julia Roberts (she was paid $500,000 a minute), Kathy Bates and Anne Hathaway slumming it to be amongst "stars" from "Alias," "That '70s Show" (x2), "Dark Angel," "7th Heaven" and "Grey's Anatomy" (x2). On top of that we have Twilight star of the moment Taylor Lautner, his headline-making girlfriend Taylor Swift and other names such as Jamie Foxx, Bradley Cooper and Queen Latifah not so much adding any kind of overwhelming talent, but certainly adding to the pool of names New Line can use in the film's marketing in an attempt to make it look like they have an actual product, but it's surface level at best.
Directing this mess of "OK! Magazine" cover models is Garry Marshall whose career has been declining at a rapid pace since Pretty Woman in 1990 and it has now hit rock bottom with a film Cupid's arrow couldn't even make attractive. In what is really nothing more than a fifth-rate Love Actually knock-off — all the way down to the cute little kid looking for love — Valentine's Day can't even hold a conversation with the far more entertaining predecessor of which I am embarrassed to even mention in the same sentence.
The cast includes Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Shirley MacLaine, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Topher Grace, Emma Roberts, Hector Elizondo, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Carter Jenkins and Taylor Swift. For more information on this film including pictures, trailers and a detailed synopsis choose from the following menu.
Review
"Valentine's Day" is a New Line Cinema release, directed by Garry Marshall and is rated PG-13 for some sexual material and brief partial nudity. The running time is 2 hours 5 minutes.
We have denied love, looking for love, tired love, new love, young love, can't find love, cheating love, forever in love, motherly love and even virgins looking to make love. Oh, and Valentine's Day just wouldn't be complete if screenwriter Katherine Fugate didn't still believe that gay love was a source of surprise. Guess what Katherine, it's no surprise people are gay in this world, although I'm not sure I believe anything coming out of the actor's mouth when he claimed to be just that. To that complaint, this film reeks with some of the worst acting I have seen in a very long time.
The worst of the bunch is easily Taylor Swift whom I thought may have just been nervous in her "Saturday Night Live" appearance, but no, she's really that bad. Eric Dane breaks into some kind of macho teleprompter speak that's as stunted as his character arc and if movies are going to rely on Ashton Kutcher and George Lopez to reveal the moral of the story you may as well just give up.
Poorly edited sequences had me guess whether Jennifer Garner was in Los Angeles or San Francisco and if Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway are on the verge of a relationship ever-lasting I certainly wasn't convinced. Finally, a scene with George Lopez swinging on a swing set with his wife is almost as laugh out loud hilarious as the Bella and Edward dream sequence in New Moon. Get a padded room you two!
I felt no emotion other than boredom and hatred while watching this film. The only laugh comes in the final moments courtesy of Jamie Foxx, which is just sad considering Marshall had two hours before that to deliver some humor. And I wouldn't be surprised if Foxx's line was improvised.
If you're dating one of those people that already hates Valentine's Day certainly stay clear of this one as it won't brighten their mood. All Valentine's Day does is give the naysayers more to complain about while such obviously female-driven fare once again proves to dupe unsuspecting ladies into a film even they will have a hard time enjoying. As one woman sitting next to me whispered with about an hour left in the film, "This movie is awful." If you can't take it from me, take it from her, what she says is true.
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Really? It couldn't have been THAT bad. That said, a movie that makes fun of gay romance and features Anne Hathaway as a phone-sex operator looks cruel and demeaning. Not to mention George Lopez swinging on a swing…
A month and a half and two F reviews already… sheesh.
I believe this review 100%. Do not doubt how low Hollywood can go.
Ah, Garry Marshall… "Pretty Woman" was a hit, and I enjoyed watching it, but I would not rewatch it, and the more you think about it, the more misguided it seems. "Princess Diaries," at least, was very sweet, with great chemistry between Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews. But the sequel was god-fuck-me-awful. "Raising Helen" was at least bearable, if generic. And I haven't seen "Georgia Rule," but I hear it's another misguided movie, poorly handling a molestation plotline in a comedy (???). And now "Valentine's Day."
I don't think he's a good director. If he's made a good movie (Princess Diaries, and I suppose Pretty Woman, and I haven't seen Runaway Bride, but that was a hit), it was a fluke. However, he DID turn both Julie Roberts and Anne Hathaway into major stars, so his career is worth something.
@John: Oh, you saw it? In that case, WHAT ARE TALENTED ACTORS LIKE ANNE HATHAWAY, BRADLEY COOPER, AND JENNIFER GARNER DOING IN THIS MOVIE?!!!
@m1: Getting paid?
I agree that Garry Marshall is a bad director, which is a self commentary on what I believe a Director's job is. One of the directors biggest jobs, IMO, is to make his actors look good. Whether that means fighting for a bigger budget for more takes, or making sure you have an excellent film editor, or flattering wardrobe, or whatever. These actors are trusting you, and often putting their reputations, and even careers on the line. You should respect that.
The scuttlebut on Valentines Day is that Garry Marshall failed at making his actors look good. Poor Taylor Swift, especially if she can't act, should have chosen the people to work with more carefully. In Hannah Montana: The Movie, they made sure she looked good, even if that limited her screentime. This whole project smacks of a quick, careless, money grab.
I think Garry Marshall works harder to make you look good if he likes you, but not if he doesn't care about you. If I were an actor, I would be hesitant to work with him.
is anybody else here getting annoyed by movies with incredibly huge popular star casts ? i mean cmon ? do these studios really think quality entertainment is not in the content, but in star power ?
You forget…Bradley Cooper originated on Alias with Jennifer Garner as well.
You can say its bad all you want i know more than a dozen people that went and saw this movie tonight and are doing nothing but praising it on Fb.. I see it doing quite well this weekend..
I have to wonder why, if you hate these movies so much, why you even bother going to review it, if more than not the Review is going to be a D or F? Do you have to go to keep getting passes or what? I think I know you try to see as many movies as possible, but if you hate rom-coms so much why not just not go and don't get angry and watch a movie on DVD or Blu-ray instead?
@Mark: Reviewing movies is my job. I do not hate rom coms.
@Brad Brevet: Ha ha hah a. I understand you review movies but when they invite you for a screening for something you know will be horrible, well, then it's your own fault. There have been studies that show that the inactivity, both physically and mental, from watching tv or movies for over 2 hours a day can cause heart disease and obesity, but it looks like you might have gone overboard on this movie.
Fair and balanced reporting…a great story on cnn.com (by a women) ripping this moie and other bad recent rom-coms
http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Movies/02/12/valentines.day.movies/index.html?hpt=C1
@Anonymous' Friend: Yes, but that's why I didn't go to Dear John and will probably avoid The Last Song. I don't avoid them all because I may actually enjoy some and it also limits my perspective if I did so. Last year I even mildly enjoyed Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, a movie I would have never thought I'd enjoy and most everyone ripped apart. There's good reason to see as many as possible when this is your job, because as many films may simply be exactly what they thought they'd be there is occasionally a surprise that makes seeing them worthwhile.
Personally, after having read "Shutter Island," not thinking it was very good and have little hope the film can be any better, should I then avoid seeing it?
@Brad Brevet:
I only said you hate rom coms because you said in your "This weekend at the movies" post that they are "no longer romantic and they are far from funny." But you did say that there are expectations so I guess you don't hate them but dislike them most of the time?
@Matt: I do not understand why Bradley Cooper is trying to throw away his newly found career right now. I think he has a future in romantic comedies but he needs to choose better material. Anne Hathaway can do what ever she wants since I love her and she got an Oscar nomination last year anyway. And is it just me, or should Jennifer Garner have received a nomination a long time ago?
@Matt: Why ELSE are they in this film, and why couldn't they have just hired Diablo Cody or the (500) Days of Summer duo to handle this? Or all three, for all I care?
@Mark: seriously dude, do you not realise brad runs a movie website, covering all the happenings in hollywood and around the world, its his job to review movies, whether its good or not, and if he decided to ignore a certain genre, would he not lose a large number of visitors who like that particular genre ?
@ddurden33:
"would he not lose a large number of visitors who like that particular genre ?"
But that's why I'm asking, because most of the time the review is negative so why would people who like that genre even read a negative review? I'm not trying to argue here, I'm just trying to understand all these negative reviews and why Brad said he loves romantic comedies when there is rarely a positive review he writes.
i think the movie was all right but i think julia roberts looked great in that brown sweater with collar. and jessica alba was a jerk in this movie BUT STILL "ABSALUTLY" GORGEIUSS LIKE USHAWUL
p.s. sorry for bad spelling
Based on what you say Brad, I don't understand why you bothered to review Valentine's Day? Did you really think it would be better than Dear John, or The Last Song??? Or did you want to check out the various performances?
seriously brad.. you need to lighten up… i've watched the movie.. i wasn't half as bad as you said in your review..
U and me both !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tigers`head on a tee……………that`s justice !!!!!!!!!!
Worthless piece of crap. Tiger u suck. Literally.
I just had to run to the bathroom. I had to take a wicked Tiger ! ! ! ! ! Phew……….
hmmmm…… Reading your review, I was extremely surprised! A lot of my friends have seen it and they loved it. I will see it tonight and see for myself ( i want to watch it even more now to see if its really an F or an A)
WOW! Somebody really, really hated this movie! That's a shame because I really, really enjoyed it! What's funnny about this is, I usually don't go to see romantic comedies. I'm a horror movie, Sci-Fi kind of guy, but for some reason this movie was calling out my name. Maybe it was the fake that "Valentine's Day" was the title, considering that it usually follows in a horror movir's footsteps, but I digress. It reminded me of a 70's comedy, or like, Love, American Style-the Movie. It also brought to mine "the Cannonball Run" film. Why not do a fun, cheesy epic of short love stories featuring Who is Who in today's entertainment? I adored the cast and even found myself involved with several of the bubbly, sweet stories. I was also curious to see how they would all 'interconnect' and come together. That was the fun part! I liked it! I thought the twist with the gay couple and HOW the Julia Robert's character fit in at the end of the movie incredibly clever! Thumbs up to Valentine's Day! Now, When are they going to do part two to My Bloody Valentine? That, I really wanna see!
I am a huge fan of your site, and have been reading it for awhile… But really?
An F?
I am not a fan of this type of film, but I went and I laughed a bit, and smiled and that is all I expected. If you went in wanting more than that I can see why you are disappointed, but I mean really an F?
Thanks. Thank you so much for this review. I had watched the trailer, and thought the movie looked like it could be quite a dissapointment, but I had my doubts, and was still wondering if it would be worth to watch. All I can say is I trully believe you.
The latest coral romantic comedy before this one, was, I think, He's Just Not That Into You, and I absolutely hated that movie. I hated it mostly because it made women look like some kind of desperate creatures looking, not even love anymore, but a man. Any man. No matter how or who.
Even so, it lookes like it was better that this one. So I appreciate that you commented honestly what you thought about it(and I suppose that's the reason for either good or bad reviews to exist).
The thing is I actually like to watch romantic comedies, but when they are good, or at least of some interest.
There is the possibility to put some thought into a story thats goes about love, or men and women relationships. It's only a matter of caring about the story, making it believable, funny, and not only following the same formula over and over, as if we had no memory at all.
I am usually quite critical of filmwork, but this is a film, in my opinion, to attract generally bad reviews from critics and those who endeavour to take movies apart instead of sitting back and simply enjoying them for what they are; in this case, a simple, quite sweet, intermix of small love stories that is really quite remarkable in the way it can capture your heart IF you let it. Instead of overanalysing content that does not strive to have an underlining message, but rather brings across pieces of dialogue and settings that entertain. That's it. It's entertainment. And it does so quite nicely in a quaint and un-cheesy way, I shall say. The most interesting bt was watching how all the stories interwined in one way or another. And Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway were fantastic. Just watch it! Forget about the editing, the big names, the unreality of the connections. Savour in the romance. Maybe you'll like it. Might be the ol' romantic in me, but this is one movie I'll defend to the death. (I was a bit annoyed by the lack of interaction between Cooper and Dane, but I guess in a way it can be justified, and that's my only problem with the movie. Oh yes, and the Taylor-Taylor bit I could do without. It felt less necessary than the other couplings. I felt like it was there just because they wanted the couple in the movie.)
Sorry for the double post…I just watched the trailer and I must say that if I had seen this before the movie, I don't think I would have. It was absolutely horrible.