Movie Review: He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

Someone get me some audience dial-testing on this feature

He's Just Not That Into You would be one hell of a social experiment and something I would love to see tested using CNN's political debate dial-testing as people flip flop on social dating issues as the movie plays on. Sure, the movie isn't very good, and could be conceived as an insult to all women and basically proves the chase involved in finding that perfect person is pretty much fruitless and a waste of time and causes only heart ache and misery ultimately placing you in a situation you didn't originally want to be in, but you somehow now find yourself volunteering for. Sounds exciting right?

Surprisingly enough this is exactly the type of crap women apparently buy into. The idea that women bought into Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo's book of which this film is based on in the first place is scary enough. For example, did you know that if a man doesn't call you back after you have called him every 15 minutes for the past six hours he isn't interested in you? Or if he's married? Or if he is sleeping with someone else? The fact someone could write a bestselling book based on this premise and pawn it off as actual advice as opposed to common knowledge is shocking, then to turn around and make a film about it is the last line of defense between being a member of the human race and prescribing to the idea we are all just dogs sniffing each other's asses.

Sold as a PG-13 relationship comedy the film centers on a large group of spoiled and socially inept people who all live in some of the most gorgeous Baltimore houses, condos and apartments you can imagine. And when they aren't retiring from their stressful lives in their plush pads they are kicked out by their significant other and forced to live on their boat. Boo hoo, life is so tough, all I ever did was love her. The film runs the gamut on nitwits and social retards to the occasional level headed thinkers who are just down on their luck. This last group I can muster some sympathy for, but the rest are either too dumb to exist or too mean to even deserve happiness.

You could squeeze the same amount of common sense out of Ginnifer Goodwin's Gigi as you could water from a rock. Jennifer Connelly's character may as well be committed to the psychiatric ward right now because that's where she is going to end up or in jail for killing a man as one appropriately framed shot from a stairway assumes.

Scarlett Johansson walks around previewing her cleavage while made up like a whore most of the time. Jennifer Aniston's character was close to sane with brief moments of neurosis and Drew Barrymore's character may have been the closest thing to a real woman dealing with real dating issues in a modern world. Barrymore's character felt the most authentic and true to life while the rest of them felt like caricatures of real women or the absolute extreme in most cases and the guys weren't any better.

Kevin Connolly ("Entourage") plays what amounts to a pretty normal guy, a real estate agent getting played by Johansson. His character is almost too real for the hyper-real setting and never seems to fit. Ben Affleck plays the nicest guy on Earth as he gets booted by Aniston to live on his boat all while remaining faithful and in love. Ahhhhh, ain't that sweet. Justin Long must be the most successful bar owner ever as he owns an impressive bar and an immaculate condo all while serving as the love guru to Goodwin's Gigi… wonder where that's going… Finally, Bradley Cooper is married to psycho Connelly and wants to cheat with Johansson, and offers up this film's greatest audience moments.

The screening I went to was probably 75/25 female to male ratio. It was a good way to gauge how the film was working and the Johansson and Cooper dynamic was a gem. Early on in the film when Cooper tells Johansson he can't see her because he is married the audience groans in dissatisfaction as Scarlett is rejected and left holding the phone. Later in the film when Cooper is lying in bed and Johansson walks in the room wearing only a man's dress shirt a similar groan echoes throughout the audience. Now they're unhappy they hooked up. Perhaps some women do need that book after all considering they can't even make up their mind on the cheat/don't cheat issue in a matter of only 129 minutes.

This is the film your girlfriend will want to go see and you will have to go with them. If you are married I pray it's a strong relationship or you may be getting some questioning looks in the days to follow. Like I said, just watching this film is a social experiment and going to the theater to watch it should be considered extra credit.