Movie Review: Colombiana (2011)
Just your average PG-13 junk you've seen many times before
Photo: TriStar Pictures
It's absolutely no surprise to learn Colombiana was inspired by co-writer and producer-Luc Besson's script for the unmade sequel to The Professional. Besson's excellent 1994 dramatic thriller starred Natalie Portman as a 12-year-old girl who's just lost her family and falls into the arms of her next door neighbor who just so happens to be a professional assassin who teaches her the trade as she seeks her own revenge. However, to compare the two films is folly as The Professional had substance, personality, emotion, style and a character you could empathize with because Besson wasn't more interested in blowing things up than telling a story.
Colombiana helmer Olivier Megaton, on the other hand, already proved story was of little interest to him in 2008 with Transporter 3. Here he's improved a little bit, but in a situation where you're dealing with a nine-year-old girl spending the next 15 years of her life training to become a killer all in a search for revenge you can't help but have a little emotion in your story… along with random dance sequences and a bit of impromptu sex. I mean, come on, he's only human.
The cast includes Zoe Saldana, Michael Vartan, Jordi Molla, Cliff Curtis, Lennie James and Amandla Stenberg. For more information on this film including pictures, trailers and a detailed synopsis choose from the following menu.
Review
"Colombiana" is a TriStar Pictures release, directed by Olivier Megaton and is rated PG-13 for violence, disturbing images, intense sequences of action, sexuality and brief strong language. The running time is 1 hour 47 minutes.
Zoe Saldana (Avatar, Star Trek) plays Cataleya, the young girl I told you about in the lead. She watches as her father and mother are killed only to pull her own parkour, out-the-window escape act so she can live another day. On her father's advice she sets out from Colombia to America where she meets up with her uncle Emilio in Chicago. It's apparent at the outset Emilio is his own brand of bad guy as he's seen pummeling a guy strapped to a chair when we first meet him. We don't know why, but I like to think it's because he ate Emilio's last Popsicle without asking. Rude.
The nature of the film takes a turn when Emilio asks Cataleya what she wants to be when she grows up. The little nine-year-old answers, "A killer." The audience laughs, but not Emilio, his response, "Okay!" So he takes her off to school, a notion Cataleya rejects before he teaches her a lesson by shooting wildly into traffic and a large group of passers by, sending a car crashing into a fire hydrant and pedestrians ducking for cover. Don't worry, it's okay, no one died. The police show up, Cataleya has learned some kind of lesson (what exactly I'm not so sure) and they walk home free and clear. Just another day with uncle, now let's go get a Popsicle.
Flash-forward 15 years later and Cataleya is a professional killer and as the victims start piling up she's tagging each one with a similar message, hoping the man that killed her father will finally realize she's after him and come out of hiding. The FBI and CIA get involved, things get hairy for a bit, Cataleya has sex with a guy (Michael Vartan) who thinks her name is Jennifer, he takes her picture, and blah, blah, blah… stuff happens. It's all very routine and as each scenario plays itself out you watch with a stone face, not surprised by a thing you are seeing and simply hoping something entertaining will happen.
There's a crazy scene with some sharks that's more funny than exciting because it's so dumb, a sex scene with Vartan where he tells her, "Let me this time," asking for permission to take the lead and be the one to take her shirt off and the film's climactic fight scene that apes every Bourne fight scene you've seen, particularly the towel in Ultimatum the pen in Identity. In short, there's nothing new to see here. Only a "red dot" moment in a CIA office actually generated any level of excitement out of me, but it was over before it even started.
Saldana is a talent and one of these days I think she's going to get a role and finally be recognized the way she should have been with Avatar. However, roles like this aren't going to help her on her way. I can understand having a little fun and taking on a action role where you she gets to be the bad ass in charge, but at least choose the scripts a little more wisely.
As for this Megaton guy, he really needs to sit back and search for some kind of originality because the two films of his I've seen play like a greatest hits record. The only problem is, outside of the Bourne films, he's stealing from similarly like-minded PG-13 junk. I can't say I'm too excited to see what he does with Liam Neeson in Taken 2.
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Re: "Saldana is a talent… [she should] choose the scripts a little more wisely."
Don't yout think that being an actress of color kind of limits her chances with solid roles and that she is taking advantage of what is coming her way? Being an ethnic woman in Hollywood is not easy and opportunities are capped by the myopic thinking of move execs.
I can't argue with that, it's a sad fact because I think Saldana is a true talent and I hate to see it wasted here.
I don't think her talent was wasted at all in this film. I think it shows Hollywood that she can be an excellent action star. If Angelina Jolie can do it then why not Zoe Saldana?
I wonder if Angelina Jolie had made this film would there be so many negative critic responses.
None of the reviews so far mention Callum Blue who I thought had a major role in this film. He is an underrated actor and should have become a bigger star.
I agree, average to below average actioner. An obvious Besson production. But why all the digs at "PG-13?" Many of us prefer not to see the brain matter splatter the back wall. This movie looked like it was edited down to PG-13 (and I'm sure an unrated DVD), but I'd rather that than the gratuity of R. Bourne showed it could be done well, and I hope for more of that than what is necessary to be the next "Expendables."
Right now, I'm so wishing that I had not gone to see this movie. The main character is so unsympathetic that I just wanted to the story to end. I think Saldana is a great actress–her performance in Avatar was excellent–and she does what she can with the performance here. I think the problem with this movie are the cliches, the unbelievable main character, and completely unbelievable situations. And I agree with Audrina up there…Callum Blue is wonderful. He provided the movie with some sexy badassness, along with some humor.
Possibly………Salt was hardly well recieved across the board critically.
you know what this movie deserves GRADE A… I already watch SALT and COLOMBIANA…and if I compare this two movies COLOMBIANA is 100% winner for me…, COLOMBIANA is a true action that's what action really looks…so for those who don't like this movies! you don't have a good taste…you better watch those worst movies ever…I think you deserve that…