Movie Review: All About Steve (2009)

Yup, that's a bad movie right there... sure is

Hot off the heels of the surprise success of The Proposal and The Hangover, it seems Fox luckily stumbled onto what could be an instant cash cow as All About Steve features stars from both films with Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper. However, the likelihood of this film following in the $100+ and $200+ million footsteps of those two summer hits is as close to zero as you are going to get. If this film manages any kind of success it will prove Bullock is bulletproof at the box-office and not even a howitzer could hurt her if this one ends up a winner.

Bullock stars as Mary Horowitz, an unlovable, annoying and socially awkward wordsmith dedicating her life to creating crossword puzzles for the Sacramento Herald. Mary has no social life to speak of and is currently living with her parents while her apartment is being fumigated. Strangely enough the idea of preferring to live with family as opposed to living in a chemical steam bath doesn't sound illogical at all, but this film tries to use it as a punchline as often as possible. Then again, logic is obviously not the goal and it would seem neither was comedy.

Mary's social status is hopefully about to change from "desperately alone" to "happy in love" as her boss urges her to be more "normal" and her parents have set her up on a blind date with Steve (Cooper), a camera man for a cable news network. Unfortunately, Mary screws this up by forcing herself on Steve before he can even get the car started, causing him to gently brush her off with the "there's an emergency at work" excuse. He drives away thinking he's just saved himself a night of hell, but little did he know Mary's insecurities and stupidity will have her stalking him shortly thereafter.

The film gets its name as that night Mary creates a crossword puzzle "all about Steve" which doesn't go over well with the Herald's readers or her boss, who actually fires her after who knows how many years of employment. No worries, Mary sees it as a sign she is meant to follow Steve across the country as he shares a news van with the arrogant news anchor Hartman Hughes played by Thomas Haden Church and their producer (Ken Jeong).

Acting like a 12-year-old following the Jonas brothers, Bullock runs around this 98-minute film in a pair of red boots and a short skirt giggling and bouncing as if she was having a mental breakdown. Personally I thought the now 45-year-old Bullock looked downright ridiculous chasing around Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal, but at least in that movie she was acting her age. Here, she is chasing the 34-year-old Cooper and to estimate the mental capacity of her character would be a complete shot in the dark, but to describe her as a thinking adult would not be the first thing that comes to mind.

At this stage in her career, and considering the success Bullock has managed, the fact she agreed to such a role is staggering. Of course, the same could be said for everyone involved, but Bullock is the true standout as not only is the movie bad, but her character is one typically reserved for D-level entry actors that don't know any better. Bullock should know better.

To say you should avoid this film is an understatement. I walked out awe-struck at the fact this was ever greenlit. Kim Barker, who co-wrote the critically panned License to Wed, is credited with the screenplay and how she ever convinced Fox, Bullock or even the no-name director Phil Traill to make this mess is beyond me, but someone needs to give her a sales job because she could sell water to the ocean.

Most of all, All About Steve speaks directly to one of my personal movie pet peeves. If the characters in your film can't stand the annoying character just imagine what the audience thinks of them, especially when they populate almost every scene. Mary Horowitz is this character and she grates on you from beginning to end, and her efforts to annoy are relentless.