Not that this question should be surprising to anyone with half a brain, but what exactly has Larry the Cable Guy starred in that wasn't a piece of junk (and, no, his voice work in Cars doesn't count)? The guy doesn't make choices straying too far from the gutter. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and Delta Farce are idiot-level productions made for those who still think a guy getting kicked in the balls or a woman crapping her pants count as comedy.

Surprised I think Witless Protection is a dumb movie? Didn't think so. Thankfully, it's not a painful one. Unlike recent so-called comedies, You Don't Mess with the Zohan (the year's worst film bar-none), Superhero Movie or Made of Honor I was not sitting there watching this thing grinding my teeth praying for it to end. It did not hurt me and I did not need to take a bottle of Advil afterwards to ease a splitting headache, but don't misconstrue this as a recommendation. In fact you can stop reading now and I won't mind as long as you don't buy this trash.

Still with me? Fine... Witless Protection tells the story of a small town sheriff (Larry) inadvertently rescuing a federal witness (insanely pretty Casino Royale villain Ivana Milicevic) from FBI agents assigned to protect her (including a slumming Yaphet Kotto). The script by Charles Robert Garner is trash and so is his direction. Anyone expecting a single laugh out of this should probably turn their attention elsewhere.

Really, the only true moments of interest to be found here would be watching just how far actors like Kotto, Peter Stormare, Joe Mantegna and Eric Roberts are willing to go to embarrass themselves. Sure, most of these guys haven't had anything approaching legitimate careers in years so they probably need the money, but why any of them would choose to be in this really is a mystery. (Well, maybe not for Roberts. See all those Mariah Carey and Maroon 5 videos? The guy really will do anything for a few bucks, and if you needed someone to fix your plumbing or weed your garden I bet he'd be up for the job.)

I'd talk about the special features on Lionsgate's new Blu-ray release of the film but I don't have a thing to say. After the film was over I had no wish or desire to learn a solitary thing about it. Not one, and with that being the case viewing the behind-the-scenes featurettes, the blooper reel or any of the deleted/extended scenes didn't exactly make a lot of sense. The film looks terrific, I must admit, its 1080p digital image as crisp and as clear as anything currently in my hi-def library.

I'm sure there is an audience for these pictures (but considering it made just over $4-million at the box office back in February it can't be a very big one). I do know that without a doubt I'm not in it. For those that go ahead and watch Witless Protection and enjoy yourselves, I won't judge you. Just don't come crying to me when people start giving you funny looks and calling you a moron because, seriously, you only have yourself to blame.