The Longest Yard (2005) (DVD)
The running time is 1 hr. 53 mins..
I had never seen the original film until earlier this year when I reviewed the special edition DVD Paramount released back in May. It was then I learned the original film was originally conceived strictly as a drama, but Burt Reynolds turned it into a comedy/drama with his acting. That said, this remake was obviously expected to be a comedy from the get-go, which is pretty much obvious considering the casting of Adam Sandler in the lead role as pro quarterback turned convict Paul Crewe and Chris Rock taking the role as the immortal Caretaker. Unfortunately, this film is far, far, far from funny.
The storyline barely deviates from the original flick as it features Paul Crewe, a man who has been banned from the NFL for point shaving and is currently stuck in a hopeless relationship. One night he decides on a bit of insanity as he gets liquored up, steals his girlfriend's (Courtney Cox) car and ultimately ends up in jail. Once in jail he is pressured by the warden to put together a football team made up of convicts to prep the warden's team of guards as they ready for their semi-pro league.
Keeping the synopsis portion short I will leave it at that, since there is really no reason to go further... You don't want to buy, or even watch this movie. About a half hour into the feature I realized I had yet to cough up even a chuckle and once it was over, with all honesty, I can't remember even a smirk.
Sandler's comedic style is nowhere to be found, and taming Chris Rock to a role in a PG-13 movie is like telling Michael Bay to make a movie without blowing anything up. The only comedy relief can be found in wrestler Steve Nash's role as one of the guards whose steroids are replaced with estrogen pills causing him to act quite feminine. Only problem is, the only people that are going to find this funny are those that know who Steve Nash is, and he isn't exactly recognizable.
As far as the special features go, this is where you are going to find your only laughs, and that isn't saying much. Besides a worthless group of deleted scenes, music videos and needless featurettes the good stuff can be found in the blooper reel and the featurette focused on how much some of these guys put down during the production. Let me put it this way, one guy ate 100 hard boiled eggs in a day and then about five chickens for dinner. Oh yeah, and he is 7 feet 10 inches tall. There you have it the only interesting thing about this movie. Sad, huh?
Overall I don't see how anyone could find this movie funny, and on top of that I am astonished it managed over $150 million at the box-office. Just goes to show the movie going audience is desperate. Fortunately, this film reeks of desperation... Desperation for a second script.