Lake Placid 2 (DVD)

Wow. Seriously, this one hits you like a punch to the gut, and I don't say that in a good way. Lake Placid 2 starts off so bad there is absolutely no coming back from it. Things begin with the knowledge that you are about to watch what is referred to as an "Unrated" cut of a killer crocodile feature in which not one, not two, not three, but FOUR freaking killer crocs are out and about and eating folks alive. Instantly you realize you aren't about to watch an Oscar winner so any kind of artistic integrity is immediately thrown out the window and all you expect are croc kills and scores of blood. What does Lake Placid 2 offer? Not a lot considering the first five people killed in the film are killed OFF SCREEN! Yeah, I understand they are trying to build up to the good stuff, but that is not why we are watching. We are watching a direct-to-DVD horror, film because we expect cheesy dialogue and blood, and lots of it, and when it takes more than 30 minutes to get a real "croc kill" it just isn't worth it.

Lake Placid 2, as you probably assume by the numeral following the title, is a sequel to the 1999 killer croc flick that was actually penned by "Boston Legal", "The Practice" and "Doogie Howser, M.D." writer/creator. Fortunately for us the sequel doesn't seek such lofty standards as we get the producer of MTV's "Punk'd" and a complete unknown penning this one. Doubling the action of the original Lake Placid 2 features four killer crocodiles in a small town where a little old lady has been feeding them hormone infested FDA rejected meat, and the prehistoric monsters aren't about to complain.

Once a body shows up mangled and all that is left is a leg and an arm local Sheriff Riley teams up with a Fish and Wildlife agent that actually is an ex of his to find the monster responsible. Upon first investigation we learn exactly what we are in for as Miss Fish and Wildlife strips down to her bra and underwear to dive into the swamp only to find a severed head. This is immediately followed up by one of the worst gratuitous tit shots I have ever witnessed...

The picture above features two ladies that have just been escorted to the lake with the brunette's boyfriend. The brunette chastises him for taking a poor "short cut" and says, "Yeah Mike, you're a regular Ferdinand Magellan." This is followed up by the blonde approaching the lake and saying, "Hmmmmm, the water looks great." Now, I am not sure if English is the blonde's first language, but her delivery of this simple line is so bad you have to rewind it just to hear it again. After this brief exchange of wit the clothes come off and the three are eventually devoured by the monster seen below...

Yup, that is the extent of the kill in this scene. Mighty unrated eh? Sorry, but the word "unrated" has lost all meaning when it comes to DVD releases.

The rest of the film does have a few kills that slightly make up for the crap in the beginning, but if they had simply gone for the jugular from the start this film might not be such a piece of shit. From the to-be-expected cheap CGI effects, horrible ADR and the absolutely terrible acting on the part of everyone involved, especially Sam McMurray who plays a big game hunter that appears to be trying to fake a Scottish accent and fails miserably, this film is a complete bust.

On the special feature front you get a "Gnawed Up" version of the film that features the tit shots, the fake kills and the real kills all while fast forwarding over the rest of the film. It totals about 9 minutes and may be the preferred way to watch. Then you have a making-of montage and something called "Surviving A Crocodile Attack" that is supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek approach to surviving an attack, but it is absolutely miserable.

Skip this flick at all costs. I am all in favor of supporting direct-to-DVD releases, but not when they are this shitty.