The Brave One (Blu-ray Disc)

I finally learned what torture is. Torture is revisiting the god-awful Jodie Foster starrer The Brave One on Blu-ray as it occupies my PS3 with the brand new "Burnout" and "Call of Duty 4" sitting on the sidelines not being played. I am not a videogame addict, but the minute the opening monologue begins to play with Foster going on and on as radio host Erica Bain, talking about God knows what (no way was I paying attention), I realized I was in for a very long night.

The problems with The Brave One extend from its unexplainable title all the way to the fact that they manage to turn it into a two hour marathon rather than what could have possibly been a tolerable 90-minute killing spree, that is if they gave the scripting duties to someone that didn't believe "Have you ever been fucked with a knife?" was a line worth writing down. This is not to say this vigilante tale centering on a woman scorned as her and her husband are beaten resulting in his death and her permanent fear of anyone that remotely looks sketchy is entirely awful. I will say the finale is actually decent, but considering it comes two hours too late it is hardly effective.

Ranging from unnecessary glimpses of imagined sex scenes and a case where Erica somehow manages to run into a fleet of fucked up people on a daily basis this film hurts from minute one. Terrence Howard is turned into a C-level actor and the only actor that comes off as remotely entertaining is Nicky Katt as the wise-mouth detective Vitale, partner to Howard's character. Vitale's sarcastic remarks will certainly give you some laughs, but just like the ending, it can't save this awful picture.

I will say that I am growing increasingly impressed with the Blu-ray format as this is the fourth film I have watched on Blu-ray and, like the others, it looks outstanding. The Brave One takes advantage of the impressive black levels as director Neil Jordan may have pieced together a shitty film, it doesn't mean it can't still look good.

Feature wise this is a limited release and for good reason, who really cares what features are on it? You get a 21-minute making-of featurette and just under seven minutes of deleted scenes. There is no reason to see how they made the film, what inspired it or where it was filmed, and to think there was a potential additional seven minutes to add to the film is reason enough to stay clear of the additional scenes.

You shouldn't rent or buy The Brave One on DVD, HD DVD, Blu-ray or even try to rip it off the Internet. This film will infect your computer and disease your soul for a solid two hours while you watch and you will need some kind of medication just to get over what you have just seen. Stay clear at all costs, this one hates you and is out for the kill.