Bottoms Up (DVD)

Paris Hilton, just those two little words alone conjure up so many opinions in our minds. Oddly enough none of those thoughts have anything to do with a city in France as the hotel heiress has found her way into our society on a daily basis. Even if you don't want to know about Paris Hilton you do, she has even managed to keep her face in the tabloids longer than Bennifer, and what has she done? Some would say, "Nothing." However, that "some" have never seen Bottoms Up, my only problem is that I have seen Bottoms Up and if you were to ever take my advice do it now... don't buy this and continue to support the most untalented person to ever become popular in our modern day society.

First off, the box art would lead you to believe this movie is about Paris' character, on the contrary it focuses on Owen played by Jason Mewes, better known as Jay from all those Kevin Smith movies. Owen is referred to as a "hotshot bartender" at his father's restaurant, but things aren't so good in that arena and some money needs to be made. So what's the plan? Well, Owen has learned of a bartending competition in L.A. where he could win some fast cash. What an idea! Let's do it! Once there he meets up with his gay Uncle Earl (David Keith), hotshot, yet somewhat down to earth actor Hayden Field (Brian Hallisay) and his girlfriend Lisa Mancini (Paris Hilton).

When Owen fails to win the competition he needs another way to make money. The idea, a scandalous expose on Field and girlfriend Mancini. Then the typical situations play out, he falls for the girl, becomes friends with the actor and things just go from there. It is cliché yet horrible at the same time. Normally cliché is just that, unfortunately this one has other issues to contend with.

Mancini, remember this is Paris Hilton, in super-bitch mode, is allowing Owen to stay at her place, but warns him that she knows Muay Thai and her house is "armed up the ass". Yeah, it sounds even worse in the film, but that is not the best, here is the capper. This is Mancini giving us a quick synopsis on her life. She is from Idaho (sure), her mother is a Playboy centerfold model (introduce me) and as far as her opinion on Los Angeles, she says, "I hate the nonsense, traffic, the endless boring parties and would rather stay home and read a book. I want what everyone else wants, get married, have kids and stay at home with a big smelly dog." I can understand an actor playing against type, but when it is Paris Hilton it is like asking me to believe a cow is a cat. It just doesn't work.

On the male end of things Jason Mewes doesn't work in a movie unless he is playing a stoner. Unfortunately that is not what we get here. Mewes is supposed to be your average Midwest kinda guy, a role he wasn't made for and is entirely wrong for. Kevin Smith plays a small role as Owen's buddy Rusty, a throw away role, and David Keith as Uncle Earl becomes quickly annoying.

As for the DVD side of things, besides the wretched movie, there is nothing special. No features, no commentaries and I am a happy camper. I thought there would be potential for this movie to be so bad it was entertaining, but Jason Mewes is surprisingly bad as an average guy and Paris Hilton playing a goodie-goodie just doesn't work. She dedicates her spare time to funding and working at the Wishing Well Shelter! No one believes this right? I wish I could tell you this would make for a good night of Paris bashing, but the jokes come so easy it's not even that is fun. Why don't you just browse Dlisted or The Superficial instead?