Bee Movie (Jerry's 2-Disc Special Edition) (DVD)

Most of the time, I enjoy my work as a critic, and find it to be a very rewarding process. I get to watch a mix of movies I never would have got around to watching on my own (Dedication, Eagle vs. Shark), and movies I already loved in the first place (No Country for Old Men, Zodiac). There are times however, when I'm forced to watch horrible, wretched shit and am made to feel like Malcolm McDowell's Alex DeLarge during the Ludovico treatment scenes from A Clockwork Orange. Strapped to a chair, eyes clamped open, forced to watch stomach churning images of murder, rape, and other atrocities. Without a doubt, Jerry Seinfeld's miscarried brain-child Bee Movie is one of those atrocities.

Seemingly an attempt to translate Seinfeld's "show about nothing" formula to a kid's movie, it does not work at all. Essentially the story of Seinfeld's Barry B. Benson's (a bee, in case you didn't catch he alliteration) attempts to sue the human race with a bestial romantic subplot, this is an absolute mess that probably deserves to have "movie" remover from its title. Never before have I seen a kid's movie that seems to have been made by people less intelligent and more juvenile than its target audience.

Bee Movie is packed with lame attempts at slapstick humor for the little ones and dater pop culture references for their parents. Rather unsurprisingly, none of it works. Even worse than the terrible humor however, is the disturbing romance between Barry and Vanessa, a human florist voiced by Rennée Zellweger. I may sound like a prude for this, but I have no interest in watching a human and any kind of animal get romantic, and it just seems out of place in a kid's movie. That's just my opinion, though. I guess Jerry got into some kinky shit in his retirement.

I know it sounds very unprofessional to admit to not watching the special features, but if you had suffered through the movie too, you would not be able to make it through them either. I do not know what makes this 2-disc edition "Very Jerry", nor do I want to know. With special features like the "Pollination Practice" game, and "The Buzz About Bees", all I can do is bring up the kinky shit he seems to have picked up from his retirment again.

While it may seem unfair to thoroughly trash Bee Movie when it's supposed to just be fun entertainment for families, I can't help but think of the expectations Jerry Seinfeld's name carries. As anyone with good taste will tell you, "Seinfeld" is one of the funniest shows to air on television, and one would imagine that Jerry would only be drawn out of his semi-retirement to make something legitimately funny. With all that said, however, if you'd like to introduce your child to frivolous lawsuits and bestiality, Bee Movie may be right for you.