I like Gun N Roses as much as the average person enjoys Star Wars. Casually. I don’t own any albums or songs on my iPod, but I can still listen to their music on the radio without wanting to crunch my car into the nearest piece of large concrete–although I cannot say the same for Motley Crue, Poison, Van Halen, and the odious Def Leppard. Other than Bon Jovi, GnR is the only 80s Hair Band still relevant today–despite not releasing an album in 15 years and whose sole original member is a corn-rowed, Howard Hughes wannabe with a screech so shrill it can skin a pond full of alligators.

“Chinese Democracy” has years (actually 1.5 decades) of hype behind it. How can you not be interested? It’s as if your Uncle Axl has been promising you the biggest Christmas gift of all-time, just remain patient. And as each year rolls by, the myth of what the mystery gift is grows exponentially. First it’s a new dirt bike. Then a Corvette. And finally you expect a learjet.

Yet, in the end, when that legendary day arrives, he hands you nothing more than a box full of sporks from Kentucky Fried Chicken–all still in their original wrapping! Why? Because your Uncle Axl is a crazy motherfucker and you should have known better.

Yet, I’ll still hit up Best Buy tomorrow and see what the sporks are made of…just maybe they’re golden sporks.

I’m finished.

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Hey guys, next time don’t worry so much about keeping a lowly reporter like me from revealing that Mulder has a beard. Oh wait, there won’t be a next time. Way to go guys, you just killed The X-Files franchise with one of the shittiest films of the year. 

Funnier than a lightening bolt to Jesus’ cock. Yes, that is funny.

Underwhelming but likable. But overall, still didn’t like it.

Three cheers for not catering to morons. Only thing funnier than Tropic Thunder, the best comedy of the year, is the controversy that has been manufactured by groups too retarded slow mentally disabled touched by angels to notice the film’s nuance in which it actually advocates their philosophy. Now that’s going full retard. 

I’m finished.

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When did Amy Winehouse morph into some nightmarish muppet? That bitch scares me. From the tabloids it appears she punches at least 3-4 random strangers a day–a rampage of crackheaded fist-fury terrorism if you ask me. So I’m sure she’ll be knocking on my door next. For the good of the world, I think it is time to put Amy Winehouse to sleep.

I’m finished.

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Beck’s latest album, “Modern Guilt” is rocking my face off. Buy it.

I’m finished.

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BOOKS I’M CURRENTLY READING
Truman by David McCullough
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Hey Rube by Hunter S. Thompson
What I’d Say to the Martians and Other Veiled Threats by Jack Handey
Kingdom Come by Mark Waid and Alex Ross

MOVIES I’M WATCHING
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Something is wrong with me for having this movie lie around unwatched for a month)
Broken English
WALL-E
Wanted
Son of Rambow
Hancock
The Woods
In the Shadow of the Moon
Buffalo Soldiers (the Joaquin Phoenix one)
Romper Stomper

TV I’M WATCHING
When We Left Earth: The Nasa Missions
24 (Season 5; rewatch)
Rescue Me (Season 1)

MUSIC I’M LISTENING TO
Weezer: The Red Album (I’m honestly surprised by how much I’m digging this album. I honestly had lost my interest in the band after Make Believe, but I’m back on the boat now.)

I’m finished.

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BOOKS I’M READING
Truman by David McCullough (it’s going to be like July when I finish this monster)
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

MOVIES I’M WATCHING
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (fuck the mixed reviews)
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The Final Season
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2 hrs 20 mins of the suck)
Redbelt
Leatherheads (maybe)

TV I’M WATCHING
Ghost Hunters
The Deadlist Catch

CDs I’M LISTENING TO
Nine Inch Nails “The Slip”
David Bowie “The Best of David Bowie”

I’m finished.

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Renamed and more italic than ever!

BOOKS I’M READING
Truman by David McCullough
Screwjack by Hunter S. Thompson (I’ve only been trying to find a copy of this book for 6 years…thank you Half-price books!!!)
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers (yes, I’ve managed to avoid this you’re not hip in college if you haven’t read book until now)

MOVIES I’M WATCHING
Iron Man (tickets bought for 8pm Thursday. That’s 24 hours biaych!)
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Dan in Real Life
Leatherheads (I swear I won’t probably get to it this week again)
Vantage Point (ditto)

TV I’M WATCHING
Ghost Hunters
The Deadliest Catch
Breaking Bad
Real Time with Bill Maher
Robot Chicken

MUSIC I’M LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW
“Intervention” by Arcade Fire

I’m finished

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BOOKS I’M READING
John Adams by David McCullough
Iron Joe Bob by Joe Bob Briggs
Truman by David McCullough (this is one gigantic fucker)

MOVIES I’M WATCHING
Enchanted
I Trust You to Kill Me
Vengeance is Mine
Leatherheads
Stop Loss
Vantage Point
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

TV I’M WATCHING
Breaking Bad
Ghost Hunters
Real Time With Bill Maher
Last Day on Earth
Robot Chicken
South Park

I’m finished.

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This is going to be a weekly little bit essentially listing the current books I’m reading or more often than not rereading, music listening too, shows I plan on watching (or caught last week), and movies I plan on watching (or caught last week).

Current Books
No Country For Old Men (reread)
John Adams
The American Dictionary of Slang

Movies I’m Going to Watch
Sleuth (2007)
The Namesake
There Will Be Blood (rewatch if the damn DVD ever arrives)
Hidden Fortress (rewatch)

TV I’m Watching This Week
John Adams
Real Time With Bill Maher
Ghost Hunters
Breaking Bad (DVR)

Music at this Very Moment
“The Payback” — James Brown

I’m finished.

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Another night in a bar, drinking. My liver will want to evacuate my bloated mess of a body after this month. This is not going to be good for “The Great Weight Loss MisAdventure.”*

So, maybe I’ll forgo my usual beer snobbery and drink Bud Select.

Regardless, the music will be good. My buddy Dustin and his cohort (The Acousterrifics, spelling is probably wrong) will be playing tonight. Lots of great covers, especially of the Tenacious D.

*more on that in a later post.

I’m finished.

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