I should know better. I really should. Pixar is solid. It is gold. It’s more consistent than death. Never count against it. However, after viewing both the US and International trailers for Cars 2, I’m not sold. Not in the slightest. Sorry. Cars 2 looks like Pixar’s family-adapted version of The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift, but dumber. The secret-agent plot feels grafted onto this thing with bubble-gum and barb-wire. I don’t get it. What element from the world of Cars screams James Bond? Was this a rejected plot for Incredibles 2? I’m sure I’ll come around on this one. Pixar always wins out in the end. Right? Yeah. Maybe. We’ll see.

Ghostbusters is my favorite movie. I watch it at least once a month. Yet, I couldn’t care less about the always rumored (urban myth?) third film that may or may not ever happen. Regardless, I’d really dig the idea if this was the direction GB3 took.

Oh noes, so many are crushed, disappointed, and emo-panda sad. Skyline sucks. Hmmm let me see here. DuUH. This film was destined for major disappointment. Any faith placed in the hacks known as The Brothers Strause was worthy of a trip to a mental hospital. If you saw Aliens vs Predator: Requiem, you knew these clowns bring nothing — Nothiiiing — to the table. They don’t rip off pieces of films. They plagiarize. Any website that really went out of its way to sell readers on Skyline (not including ads, which most sites don’t 100% control) owes a public apology. You should know better.

Oh wait, the Battle: Los Angeles teaser came out today and the silly, undiscerning hype parade continues to march on and on and on. Here we go again. See you in Disappointmentville again this March.

You’re going to read a lot of crap about Dino De Laurentiis’ long, storied career today. He worked in the film industry for nearly 70 years and produced something like 160 films. He was a big deal. He produced classics such as La Strada and Nights of Cabiria and Serpico.

But that was then.

Let’s face it, when you think of Dino De Laurentiis today you remember the bloated, dunderheaded, schlock of the last 35 years: King Kong ’76; Orca; Halloween 2; Flash Gordon; Conan the Destroyer; Dune; Maximum Overdrive; Body of Evidence; Assassins; Hannibal Rising. Even the good films of the last few decades (Blue Velvet, Manhunter, Breakdown, Hannibal) feel dated right out of the gate. When Dino De Laurentiis’ name appeared on opening credits, I smelled mothballs. It was his calling card.

So yes. Important man in the film industry. But let’s not bury his legacy in a diamond coffin either.

Conan O’Brien returned to the teevee last night. It was sublime. It was also deadly, as the opening riffed on one of the most famous assassination scenes in movie history.

Nothing is better than a good Michael Caine impression. Nothing! ….Except for two good Michael Caine impressions.

What’s the deal with this movie Sucker Punch? Don’t get me wrong, I dig hot, punky girls and beef-jerky He-man Scott Glenn. Yet, Sucker Punch looks fucking awful. Terrible. Shoot me in the head sort of bad. The film appears to pander to the worst of fanboy jerk-off fantasies. Hot, punky girls. Giant robots. Hot, punky girls with machine guns. Dragons. Hot, punky girls kung-fuing. Samurais. Hot, punky girls with swords. Retro iconography. Hot, punky girls hanging with Scott Glenn. Those elements alone or paired up in good measure are tolerable. But when you start fusing them all, you’re probably trying too hard. No wonder the film has to trot out the prosaic “we use are imaginations to escape our harsh reality” scenario to toss all of this slop into one bucket.

From this trailer, I don’t buy any of the tough-girl posturing these actress chuck our way. Staring down the camera like you’re constipated while biting your lip does not equal badassery. Then they open their mouths and wow. That’s just crap sandwich dialogue with bad onion delivery. Not even the national treasure that is Scott Glenn comes off clean. His narration is so stilted I swear a robo-reader with Glenn’s voice unspooled this dreck.

I don’t know what riles me up about this type of film and those who think it’s going to drop the most awesome-greatest-fantastic-cinematic-blowjob evah! All I know is I want to kick anyone who thinks this film looks brilliant in the nuts.

Think of the “24 situation.” You, know that mostly make-believe situation blowhard politicians love to imagine in order to justify their love of torture. A bomb is to explode. We have the culprit. Screw American values and laws, torture him until he squeals or zillions will die. Utilitarianism at work.

24 used this situation as simple, thrilling plot mechanics. We know it’s just a show so if Jack Bauer felt like getting his badass on, so be it. Entertainment. Occasionally, in the latter seasons superficial discussion of US torture policy would ensue. Boring. Unthinkable takes the situation and stretches it out to feature length.

I’m unsure why a film starring Samuel L. Jackson, Carrie-Anne Moss, Michael Sheen (with Stephen Root and Brandon Routh in supporting roles) was dumped on DVD without a theatrical release. Probably had something to do with the majority of “War on Terror” movies under performing at the box-office. Who knows? Anyway, it’s a damn shame. Unthinkable is one of those rare gems from the island of castaway films.

Is it a profound examination of the pros and cons of torture? No, Unthinkable stakes it claim squarely in the thriller genre. Yet, it’s not an intellectual slouch either. It plays as a parable of sorts as certain characters represent the extreme ideological ends on US torture policy. The topic is always front and center, but it never comes off as obnoxious soap-boxing. The movie is more interested in bouncing Jackson, Sheen, and Moss off one another, and it’s all rather interesting.

Good stuff. Find it. Rent it. Watch it. Grow the cult.

Suffice to say, “The Walking Dead” lived up to all of the volcanic geek hype. Yeah it delivers on the red, wet stuff. And I mean it really delivers. This is hard-R grit and grue. And it’s on basic cable. That’s fun and all. Yet, it’s a superficial reason for enjoying any film or show. Luckily, “The Walking Dead” is also a superb character drama played out against the apocalypse. The whole enterprise seers with an emotional honesty. After all, a good man can only endure so much horror before it ebbs away at his own humanity. When characters shoot a zombie child or friend or relative, it changes them. It’s not the blam-o, then sarcastic one-liner or “meh, whatever” reaction most plastic movie characters convey when gunning down zombies. The show’s hero, County Sheriff Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln), journeys across the zombie-infested landscape not with macho bravado, but rather with a deep sense of sadness and loss in his eyes. That feels like the right angle to play this whole thing.

Permalink   Comments (1)