What Film am I Going to See First On Friday?
The Hulk, The Happening, The Fall? This shit ain't easy.
Most people who know me know where to find me Friday evenings during the summer. And it ain't sitting on some Mexican restaurant's patio drowning the week's stresses in Corona (that's Saturday through Thursday). Immediately after work, I hit the movie theater to catch the latest summer blockbuster or perhaps flop – assuming I didn't already see it earlier at the strike of midnight… although that's never stopped me from seeing it later in the day if I loved it.
Yet, when theaters don't bother keeping their wage-slave on the clock into the wee hours of the morning, then my hand is forced to make some crucial decisions on these new-release stacked summer weekends. What film am I going to see first on Friday? Should I catch all the films I'm interested in on opening day since my Saturday and Sunday schedules are overflowing with I don't know what, but my wife probably does? After all, I've been known to do the occasional double, triple, and even quadruple feature (although the muscle-withering quadruple feature usually requires vacation time from work and a thorough medical evaluation afterwards).
And undertaking a double-plus feature stirs up the issue of sequence. Do I go to the most anticipated flick first? Or do I save it for last as a climax to the evening? Would this particular film work better with a less crowded matinee showing or maybe it's a comedy and would be best left for a packed 7 o'clock screening? If I'm seeing three or more films, then I need to calculate the time between movies for eating, defecating and driving if the movies aren't all playing in the same theater. And if I'm rendezvousing with buddies for a film or two (even the geekiest of my pals lack the grit for a triple-plus feature) then their schedules fall into the formula. I suppose this is the type of noble pursuit calculus was created for.
Anyway, with
I'm most hyped about The Incredible Hulk – my favorite Marvel character. While I'm a big fan of Ang Lee's peyote-fueled, art house Hulk, the reboot gives the impression it's bringing the fun and destruction in spades. Plus, I live by a simple rule: If a flick has Ed Norton, I must see it with all haste. Then there's The Happening. Now, I don't subscribe to the rumor that The Village and Lady in the Water opened the portals of hell in local cineplexes, but I won't deny that neither film impressed me. Yet, M. Night Shyamalan bought a lifetime of opening weekend ticket sales from me because of The Sixth Sense (excellent), Unbreakable (brilliant), and Signs (masterful). And when I see a trailer highlighting a guy getting a full body massage from a lawnmower, I'm sold. And as for The Fall, well it just plain-ass looks amazing, and Lee Pace from Solder's Girl and "Pushing Daisies" has joined the hallowed ranks of great character actors I lovingly refer to as "my guys."
So I'm unsure how I'll tackle these films come Friday. The Fall, assuming it opens near me, will have a small audience no matter the show time and that's okay with me. The Incredible Hulk will be the busiest and contains the most potential to bring out the asshole audiences – although seen with the right audience it could kill, in the good way (which is why I'm quite upset about the absence of a midnight showing). The Happening could benefit from a packed house, but then again you run the risk of assholes and even worse, M. Night hating assholes wearing full-fledge stripes of hypocrisy by handing money and time over to a director they love to kick in the nuts anonymously on the Internet.
Hmmm. Important decisions. Maybe I'll just flip a coin.
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