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Kiefer Sutherland – The Lost Boys |
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The Lost Boys is cinematic caviar for mullet lovers. Everyone in this flick owned a Camaro crash helmet. Yet none illustrated business in the front and a party in the back as much as Kiefer Sutherland's coif. This thing looked hazardous, like a buzz saw attached to a chain. Perfect for a villain because nothing gives off a sense of danger like a mean mullet – especially if it's on top of Jack Bauer's head. |
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Sylvester Stallone – Rambo |
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Yes, my worst nightmare does wear a mullet. Doesn't yours? The world has changed a lot in the last 25 years, but one thing remains the same: John Rambo's ape-drape. Like Samson, it's the source of his badass powers. To cut it, would be to kill Rambo. The commies and Burmese wasted time, bullets, and tens of thousands of soldiers on Rambo when they should have been training an elite squad of stealth hair stylists to take the man out. That is a Rambo V story I want to see. |
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Chuck Norris – Sidekicks |
Oh how easy it would be to only pump this full of those ubiquitous Chuck Norris mantra jokes. But I'll refrain. Chuck's filmography reads like a hall of fame of mullets. Yet, of all the neck-warmers Chuck brought to cinemas around the world, I must declare Sidekicks as his forgotten magnus mullet opus. It's like discovering a long lost Leonardo da Vinci painting of Jesus rocking a poodle mullet while ascending to the heavens as his apostles below baptize the masses by styling their hair into Kentucky Waterfalls. That is Sidekicks for me, a film about idol adulation. Jonathan Brandis worships both the ass-kicking skills and hairstyle choices of one Chuck Norris (Chuck as himself, but really as Jesus in this allegory). Oh yes, they overcome all odds. And Chuck delivers his greatest on-screen mullet of all-time.
No pic on this one… let's go to the videotape…
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David Bowie – Labyrinth |
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Without a doubt, David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust" days propelled the mullet into your local barber shop. And when mullets became common, the father of the mullet showed the world who owns the real rocket-sauce when it comes to hair fashion. In Labyrinth, Bowie took the mullet to new dimensions previously thought impossibly by quantum-physics professor. That wasn't just hair on Bowie; that was a living, breathing, possibly dangerous creature resting on the top of his skull. It's rumored the hairspray usage to create such an animal punched an unfixable hole in the ozone layer. |