Filed under: Movie News

A 'Star Wars' Fan's Confession

Who would have thought an animated film could conjure up so much hatred?

David Frank knows more than you. Care to disagree?

When I started this gig, I vowed never to write about Star Wars as a topic. You see, I love Star Wars. An Attack of the Clones IMAX poster hangs over my printer. The Darth Vader voice-changer mask sits next to my phone, it's within arm's reach from me right now (yes, sometimes I wear that hot bastard when scribbling this column). A collection of light sabers buddy up against my DVD shelf. And other useless Star Wars shit currently takes up an entire corner of my mom's basement. I've visited Skywalker Ranch, a trip I was more than willingly to go in debt for since my newspaper was good enough to get the invite, but too crappy to afford my travel expenses. I camped out for the prequels (but I did not dress up, gotta draw the line somewhere damn it). Oh, and most shocking of all, I actually love all three prequels.

Now you may have noticed I used the word "love" twice just a few sentences apart. That's why I chose never to discuss Star Wars in this column. Writing about something you "love" tends to come off as mawkish, drool-sloshing hyberbole. And I prefer to leave that nonsense to Ain't It Cool News.

But with the computer-animated Star Wars: The Clone Wars hitting theaters this weekend, I can no longer remain quiet. I must say this. I have to say this. I wouldn't be a true Star Wars fan if I didn't say this.

I just don't give a shit whatsoever about this movie. I'm way more pumped to see Tropic Thunder again this week than visiting the wars in the stars.

I mean, I'll see Star Wars: The Clone Wars, probably even on Friday, but it'll feel more like a chore than anything else. I'll probably even watch the TV series (my TV always seems to be tuned to TNT as it is). But in the end, I'm completely indifferent towards Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Well, not indifferent. In fact, I think it looks awful.

But it wasn't always like that. About 3 years ago is when word leaked that George Lucas planned both a computer-animated and a live-action TV series. At the time, both prospects excited me (actually the live-action one still does, if it ever happens). Considering this was Lucasfilm, I figured the computer-animated show would push the technological envelope. Either it'd be really nifty and hyper-stylized like Genndy Tartakovsky's brilliant hand-drawn "Clone Wars" series or it'd break out some photo-realistic animation similar to what Beowulf achieved.

You will love the lightsaber battles, because you loved them before. You like the sparks the most.
Photo: Warner Bros.

Then I came across pics from the film. And holy shit. How disappointing. The characters looked like bobble-head dolls. Lifeless, blocky toys. I half expected Woody and Buzz Lightyear to appear in the film. At this point interest waned. But it's when the lameass trailer arrived that I went from "meh" to complete and utter "wtf?".

The problem with the trailer, other than proving the animation looks just as shitty in motion as it does in a still, is that it's built like the trailers for the live-action Star Wars films. For the live-action trailers, the editors didn't have to show all the money-shots. They knew that just footage of Star Wars characters standing around and looking at something off-screen (Ewoks humping in the distance, who knows?) would be enough to whip the public and media into a frenzy. Oh my God, Yoda!!! R2-D2!!! Some tattooed dude!!!

Yet, with the animated film, it doesn't work that way. Showing a Yoda that looks whittled from Irish Spring soap looking as if he's about ready to poop a hammer doesn't do much for anyone. The trailer needed to roll out images that have only existed in the wet dreams of fanboys to really hurdle the obstacle of its cruddy animation. Yet, nothing in that trailer shows anything that hasn't been seen in the live-action films.

Poop hammers I will, yes.
Photo: Warner Bros.

It's a turd of a trailer. It looks like a turd of movie (and early word indicates that the perception is reality). This feels like a disjointed, cheap rush job. And in some ways it is. There was never suppose to be an animated film. Essentially Star Wars: The Clone Wars is the TV series' first few episodes scotch-taped together and from what I can gather, Lucas should have left it as a TV series. I'd say the majority believes Star Wars finished on a successful note with Episode III, although there is a debate on whether it was successful relative to the prequels or the original trilogy. But who cares? Most people enjoyed it. Yay.

Yet, Lucas can't help leaving a rotten taste in the mouths of moviegoers. You know something has gone seriously wrong when an ardent Lucas supporter like me turns his back on the franchise. It's just so bizarre for a Star Wars movie to be coming to theaters and me not buzzing from an anticipation high. I suppose this is what the prequel haters felt like before Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Hmm, what a suck-ass feeling.


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Post #1
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I love Star Wars. Love as in Vader voice mask, ForceFX lightsaber, action figures, frothing at the mouth fanboy kind of love. I just don't really care for George Lucas' interpretation of it. I'll gladly be proved wrong, but I'm not hopeful.

- kettch
( August 13th, 2008 | 4:27 am )
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Post #2
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"Showing a Yoda that looks whittled from Irish Spring soap…" That gave me my first hearty laugh of the day. Thank you sir. Good stuff. (And by the way I love Irish Spring, but I use the liquid, not sure if that was relevant in any way).

- DarkKnightFAN12
( August 13th, 2008 | 8:16 am )
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Post #3
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Wait, wait, let me get this straight. You love "Star Wars," but you're not willing to give a chance to a movie that has achieved some genuinely strong reviews? You're not willing to give a shot to a movie that SFX said is "much closer to the prequels that existed in our heads than The Phantom Menace turned out to be"? Or that the Associated Press said "harks back to the fun, swashbuckling times of the original "Star Wars" trilogy"? Or that MSNBC said is "highly stylized and eye-popping"?

I mean, I'm with you on loving "Star Wars," but I'm also willing to try something different. It doesn't change what "Star Wars" is to me, even if it sucks — my love for "Star Wars" isn't that tenuous. (Did "Batman Forever" ruin "Batman" forever?) I'm also willing to trust that I might not be the audience for this — maybe I'm just too old and jaded and cynical now, too steeped in pop culture to be able to accept something new and unusual on its own terms. As much as I say I wish George Lucas would make his little independent films, you and I both know we all wish he would make a movie like Episode IV again, but that's not going to happen. He's different, we're different, and we wouldn't know Episode IV if it bit us in the rear anymore, because everything's changed.

But if you see this with a kid, someone who's the age you were when "Star Wars" first came out, then I'll bet you one thing — you'll be seeing it with someone who really digs it. And if they dig it, maybe you can, too. But I'm not going to judge this movie, or any movie, solely on the trailer. If I did that, I would have missed some terrific films. (But the fact that you'd rather see "Tropic Thunder" again implies you're looking for hip and cool, not retro, nerdy and fun.)

- IrvThal
( August 13th, 2008 | 10:18 am )
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Post #4
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IrvThal said: Wait, wait, let me get this straight. You love "Star Wars," but you're not willing to give a chance to a movie that has achieved some genuinely strong reviews? You're not willing to give a shot to a movie that SFX said is "much closer to the prequels that existed in our heads than The Phantom Menace turned out to be"? Or that the Associated Press said "harks back to the fun, swashbuckling times of the original "Star Wars" trilogy"? Or that MSNBC said is "highly stylized and eye-popping"?

I mean, I'm with you on loving "Star Wars," but I'm also willing to try something different. It doesn't change what "Star Wars" is to me, even if it sucks — my love for "Star Wars" isn't that tenuous…

But if you see this with a kid, someone who's the age you were when "Star Wars" first came out, then I'll bet you one thing — you'll be seeing it with someone who really digs it. And if they dig it, maybe you can, too. But I'm not going to judge this movie, or any movie, solely on the trailer. If I did that, I would have missed some terrific films. (But the fact that you'd rather see "Tropic Thunder" again implies you're looking for hip and cool, not retro, nerdy and fun.)

First, way to go on quoting the blurbs on the TV commercials for the film. I prefer to stop by rottentomatoes, and right now the film is rocking a 44% approval. Although that's only 10 reviews. So who knows, I tend not to care what the majority of the critics think. But my guess is the final % won't change much from that.

I will give the movie a chance when I see it. I like nothing more than to be surprised. But right now I'm calling it like I see it. And the film looks like shit (which is different than saying it is shit), which is a feeling I've never had about a Star Wars film before (which was the point of the column). Never once did I say this film would change my opinion of Star Wars for me. If the film is shitty, I'll still love Star Wars…I'll probably still watch the animated show this fall. Nor am I bashing the film for being different. The hand-animated Clone Wars series was extremely different for the Star Wars universe, and if that was hitting the big screen I'd being camping out at my local theater at this point. My problem with this animation is that looks cheap and ugly and bland. Nothing that I've seen for this film has excited me in any way. I'm just not looking forward to it, and that saddens me some. Also who cares if I go with a kid. People say the same exact thing about the prequels. Guess, what? I never saw any of the prequels with kids, and I loved every one of them. I think you're somehow grouping me in with the pathetic "George Lucas Raped My Childhood" crowd, which just isn't true.

As for rather seeing Tropic Thunder again this week: That has nothing to do with being hip, cool or trendy. The film is the best comedy released this year. It's brilliant. And I want to see it again b/c of that…and to give it some money as an FU to the pointless controversy that has come up around it.

- davidfrank
( August 13th, 2008 | 1:16 pm )
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Post #5
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I haven't even seen the TV commercials, to be honest — I'm just quoting from reviews I've read, many of which are pretty glowing.

Having seen the movie, I believe that if you can stop complaining about the animation for one minute and just get into it, you'll find yourself pretty much digging it. American critics and fans, in particular, passed judgment on the animation first through the stills then through the commercials without seeing it on a big screen. It's pretty freakin' amazing if you ask me (which you didn't) and, in my view, bold of anyone to try something that's not mo-cap or Pixar "photo-real." No one said "101 Dalmatians" looked "cheap" when it came out, though that's exactly why the Xerography process was invented — they said it looked stylish and different. So does this. It's not … usual. That's for sure.

I really loved this movie. Honestly and genuinely. I loved Ahsoka being sassy like Leia (remember Leia calling Han "flyboy"? Can you imagine what fans would make of THAT today?). I loved little Stinky. I laughed out loud, often, at Zero the Hutt, who is so outrageously ridiculous it's frankly cool. The action was as good as any of the live-action movies, and I love the move that Anakin and Ahsoka make when the droids are advancing. The vertical battle is fantastic. There's a moment when Ventress does something to a droid, whose reaction is laugh-out-loud funny. I loved that it had a happy ending and that I got to see characters (like Jawas) that I missed in the prequels.

Yeah, I may be a sucker, but I went into it with low expectations, did about five minutes worth of work to get my head around the animation … and then sunk into my seat, ate some popcorn and watched a "Star Wars" flick I hadn't seen before.

And I'm planning on doing it again this weekend. If there's no one in the audience, all the better for me. Heh. But I think there may just be.

- IrvThal
( August 13th, 2008 | 10:57 pm )
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Post #6
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Amen. I have felt the same way about this movie. I have not seen it and as a big SW fan it feels really strange not to be exciting that it was made. I agree that watching the movie will end up making me feel as though I am completing a "chore" because I am not thrilled about it at all.
Actually, I'm very disappointed in George Lucas' decision to go this route. What made him do it? If its just for the money…way to go Mr. Lucas you are another greedy bastard in Hollywood. I still think that this whole animation thing is unbelievable, in which unbelievable is not meant in the good sense.
As a huge fan, I will try to overlook this error and still stay true to the Star Wars realm. And who knows..maybe the movie might turn out to be at least a little 'entertaining'….I can always hope

- SweetonStarWars
( August 21st, 2008 | 1:29 pm )
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