Heroin, coke, crack. 10 years ago if you had told Robert Downey Jr. that baseballs make you fly high, he would've snorted them whole and then passed out on the neighbor's yard like some junky elephant man. Now he's headlining 2008's first summer blockbuster, Iron Man. Not to mention he's closing the summer season down with his seemingly balls-out, minstrel-mocking role in Tropic Thunder (which will be the sleeper smash of the year). Who would have guessed any of this 7 years ago when the PoPo hauled Downey off to clink yet again, after 5 years worth of legal trouble. Luckily that was the end of backseat rides in cop cars for Downey. These days you love Downey. I love Downey. We all love Downey.

This might give some hope to Downey pal Mel Gibson (Air America baby! Either you love that Gibson-Downey flick or you're a douche) who just announced his return to acting with Edge of Darkness. I know it's been awhile, but you might remember Gibson as that guy who scares Danny Glover, tortures Jesus, loves dead languages and blames all the wars on Jews after a night of boozing and driving and getting arrested by a Jewish cop.

That last bit with the whole anti-Semitism probably played well for card-carrying Hamas members, but in most of the world it was some tough sugar-titties for Gibson's image. And I know Gibson blamed the devil rum for his hate-speech, but I don't know too many people who get plastered and start verbally attacking Jews (although one time during an all-night bender I did blame my buddy's German-shepherd for giving Franklin D. Roosevelt a cerebral hemorrhage. Pure grain-alcohol boils out to the surface my bigotry for German-shepherds every time). Whether you want to admit it or not, Gibson is a bigot.

I don't see moviegoers embracing Gibson like their brother's hilarious, good-time loving, charming best buddy as they once did and rather treat him more like that bigoted uncle in the family whose company you might enjoy as long as no one brings up Israel, border control, or rap music. I'm not saying he's beyond ever having a hit movie again. Nor am I saying all his future movies should be considered spoiled goods for critical evaluation. If he's just an actor then I'll judge him on the merits of his performance regardless of his personal views (but anything he writes, produces, or directs is open to analysis on whether his attitude towards Jews bears on his movie or not). Yet, I'm pretty sure he'll never pull off a Downey and repair the damage his image has suffered.

The only thing America loves more than building a celeb up and watching them tumble (hello there Britney and Lindsay) is a great rebound story. How I beat the odds, the demons, the addictions, the love for Nickelback's "music" and came out on top again… and with better taste in music. Despite all the arrests and exotic substances snorted into the bloodstream and waking up on neighbor kids' beds, the opportunity for Downey's story to allow for verifiable atonement is what enabled him to be all the rage these days (that and the fact he has truly earned the label as one of his generation's finest actors with the superlative work he's done since his last arrest, again all part of that rebound triumph story-a ready-made bio-pic). When you're a celeb hophead, your story either continues with you being a junkie for the rest of your life, you getting your shit together, or ends with you dying early. As long as a celeb drug fiend doesn't murder anyone, rape an armadillo, or show expose themselves on national TV, America will almost always forgive them if they appear to have made amends and straightened their lives out.

I can say, "You know Downey hasn't been arrested for several years, there's no gossip about him pumping needles, and he looks healthy. I don't think he's using anymore." But in Gibson's case how do you prove you've had a mental change of beliefs toward a group of people you demonized? Gibson can blame the fermented juices and say he's sorry and meet with every rabbi between Malibu and Maine and donate his Lethal Weapon Blu-ray royalties every month to the Anti-Defamation League, but how do you know it's a real change of heart versus PR damage control? You can't know because you can't get inside Gibson's mind. Gibson can even turn in the best work of his life over the next few decades, but most of his obits will likely read: charismatic actor, Oscar-winning filmmaker, Jew-hater. His story doesn't allow for an easy rebound, because the fix to his problem can't be demonstrated. We're a cynical world and if results can't be shown then it's just lip service.

So for all of you future or current celebs out there, if you're hell-bent on screwing up your career royally, but want a happy ending (and a possible bio-pic/book deal), then do drugs and follow Downey's lead. We'll forgive you. Maybe even learn to love you again. Just remember to have loads of talent (sorry Lindsey) and no nasty prejudices.

Related post categories: Editorials, Features, The Shallow End : Mel Gibson, Robert Downey Jr.

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