With the recent release of the James Bond Ultimate DVD Collections I knew there was no way I could review all 40 discs so I decided to do something that would take less time and not be as generic as the reviews would have been. Oh, and hopefully it is slightly entertaining.
I have watched all 20 films included in the four sets as well as the recently released Casino Royale and created a list of 40 of the sexiest ladies that starred in those 21 films and ranked them on varying qualities presented in each film.
The rankings are broken down into four separate articles of ten and here we begin at the bottom and we will work our way up throughout the week. Along with each ranking is a link to the corresponding box set the girl can be found in which includes a list of all special features. Enjoy!
#40 Lynn Holly-Johnson
(For Your Eyes Only)
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Coming in at number 40 is not something Lynn should be concerned with, what she should be concerned with is hoping that she is not this annoying in real life. Starring as Bibi in For Your Eyes Only she manages to annoy the hell out of the audience at every opportunity available by either whining or just speaking.
I will give her kudos though for hoping right into James' bed and proclaiming she is not a virgin. Very classy Bibi, very classy… She is cute, but her nuisance level gives her the last spot on the list.
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#39 Cassandra Harris
(For Your Eyes Only)
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Starring Countess Lisl von Schlaf in 1981, 33-year-old Cassandra Harris avoids the last spot on the list only thanks to her unexpected nip slip as she seduces James by the fire. Now days I think Cassandra would have been far sexier, but her bitch move of getting a betting man to bet $1 million instead of $500k only to lose to Bond is inexcusable.
On a completely separate note it is worth mentioning that Cassandra is the late wife of Bond actor Pierce Brosnan. She was the unfortunate victim of ovarian cancer and died in 1991 still married to Pierce.
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#38 Akiko Wakabayashi
(You Only Live Twice)
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You Only Live Twice has to be the least sexy Bond film of them all. While Aki proved to be quite the guardian angel she was also a bit deceptive and secretive at times, this is a problem. When she bolted out of the car forcing James to chase her down only to have him fall through the ground was a real bitch move. However, since she seemed to always show up at the right time and wasn't shy with the massages she earns a pass and a spot at number 38.
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#37 Gloria Hendry
(Live and Let Die)
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I am a bit neutral on Gloria Hendry. Just looking at her you can see she has got one hell of a body, but her character did nothing for me. As Rosie Carver she played a double agent that worked for Live and Let Die baddie Dr. Kananga who uses voodoo to cover up his heroin business. Carver is quite scared of voodoo, which turns her into a paranoid mess and she eventually is killed by Kananga. Oh well.
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#36 Izabella Scorupco
(GoldenEye)
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I'm not quite sure if I am not attracted to Izabella or if I grew so tired of saving Natalya's dumb ass on Nintendo 64's "GoldenEye" but she just doesn't make the grade. I also have to wonder, what's up with the normal name? Natalya Simonova? Eight syllables and no sexy factor make her a guaranteed bottom ringer.
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#35 Luciana Paluzzi
(Thunderball)
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You would think that any Bond girl willing to hop into the tub and have a little one-on-one conversation is a guaranteed top 25, but Luciana falls short. When she killed Bond's fellow agent, hottie Paula Caplan played by Martine Beswick, she immediately drops to the lower rung. She also isn't as sexy as that bath tub scene would lead you to believe.
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#34 Diana Rigg
(On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
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I suppose in terms of Bond lore Tracy Di Vicenzo, a.k.a. Tracy Bond, deserves a higher spot. In this case it did as I would have probably had her a couple notches lower had she not been Bond's late wife. Dying only minutes after their wedding in the only George Lazenby starring Bond, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, was really a poor move on her part if she wanted to be higher on the list. Might I recommend not getting shot next time Tracy?
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#33 Jill St. John
(Diamonds are Forever)
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Check out her Cross Your Heart bra and that horrible wig! Yeah, now you know why Jill St. John lands at number 33 starring as Tiffany Case in Diamonds are Forever. The other reason she falls short is because she gets trumped thanks to a very short appearance by Lana Wood as Plenty O'Toole. Sorry, if you are going to be the lead female in a Bond film you should try harder to not be outdone by a two minute role. You also need to beg for the name Plenty O'Toole, but more on that a little later.
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#32 Tania Mallet
(Goldfinger)
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She means well, but why couldn't have Tilly Masterson died in the beginning of the film instead of her sister Jill? Shirley Eaton was gorgeous as Goldfinger's girlfriend, Jill Masterson, but when she turns up painted gold you only hope there is some saving grace. While Honor Blackman does add a lot as Pussy Galore, Tania Millet can't make up for the loss of Eaton. On top of that, what is she doing driving like an idiot, barking orders and almost killing Bond in an attempt to kill Goldfinger? At least go to the gun range for a couple of minutes and maybe a driving lesson is in order. No worries, Oddjob felt the same way and ended her existence.
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#31 Carole Bouquet
(For Your Eyes Only)
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As this list was made Carole fell time and time again. It's the eyes, they don't sparkle… they sag, and when they aren't sagging they are staring right through you. Even when Melina Havelock is getting ready for sexy time with James and delivers the classic line, "For your eyes only, darling…" and then drops her clothes you still don't get a rise. She is quite vicious with the cross bow and she saves James several times throughout the movie, but give me one more emotion other than hangover and you are sure to rise further up the list.
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That ends this edition, which sees Bond Volume 3 earning six spots on the lower ten. Volume 1 gets two and Volumes 3 & 4 both get one of the bottom ten spots. Stay tuned for girls 21-30, which will be released tomorrow. For more on any of the DVD sets click any of the links below:
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