In preparation for Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s latest opus, Grindhouse, I’ve been catching up on a few B-movie classics. There’s a few things I’ve learned in watching movies like I Spit On Your Grave and Last House On The Left (I couldn’t even finish Switchblade Sisters) …. Grindhouse movies, for the most part, really suck.

But it sort of goes with the territory. These movies, almost by definition, were cheaply made and found homes in run-down theatres that moonlighted as wack-off joints for XXX features. These theatres - if lucky - fostered bastard films from Corman’s portfolio of B-grade movies. Otherwise, you’re talking about the real low-budget fare. We’re talking porno-budget. And that’s exactly what these grindhouse filmmakers were dealing with. But maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves. What the hell is a grindhouse movie? Let’s ask Wikipedia.

A grindhouse is an American term for a theater that mainly showed exploitation films, or is a term to describe the genre of films that played in such theatres (which are also known as “exploitation films”). Grind-houses were known for non-stop programs of B Movies, usually consisting of a double feature where two films were shown back to back. Many of these inner-city theatres formerly featured burlesque ows which featured “bump and grind” dancing, leading to the term “grind-house.” Beginning in the late 1960s and especially during the 1970s, the subject matter of exploitation films shown in these theaters often included explicit sex, violence, bizarre or perverse plot points, and other taboo content. Many grind-houses were exclusively pornographic.

Reading that, it’s appropriate that Rodriguez and Tarantino are finally making a true “grindhouse” experience. They sort of came close to doing the very same thing when they made From Dusk Till Dawn about a decade ago. That was basically two mini movies for the price of one, but here they are going all-out. They’re doing parody and homage. They’re doing continuity lapses. They’re doing scratchy-looking reels. Tarantino, I’m sure, was in hog heaven making this bad boy.

Remember that theatre Clarence (Christian Slater) went to on his birthday to watch the Sony Chiba Street Fighter trilogy in True Romance? That was a grindhouse, right? And if you read QT’s original screenplay for Natural Born Killers, it’s got that old-school exploitive killer vibe that Oliver Stone took to a whole other extreme. In other words, Tarantino’s been striving to make a true-blue GH flick for some time.

I think he meant for Kill Bill to sort of be that to a certain degree as well. He just didn’t take it all the way. The Kill Bill series has some of the trashy, goofy elements of GH pictures, but it’s too-well manicured, too well-acted and scripted, too nicely shot and has too big a budget to be a full-fledged grindhouse experienced. In other words, it’s too good. If Planet Terror isn’t a seriously fun piece of shit, I will be severely disappointed.

Here’s a look at a few classics of the genre and a few personal favorites as well.

Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia

Yup, Sam Peckinpah dabbled in grindhouse. Some people might be a little surprised by this selection but consider the elements involved here: Decapitation, Peckinpah violence, gratuitious sex, the must-have rape and the revenge spin in the last act. A Mexican crime lord’s daughter gets knocked up. He wants to know who but his little girl won’t say. So he does what any father would in his position. He breaks her arms. The girl blabs and a bounty is declared on Alfredo Garcia’s head. This may be a crude movie, but it’s at least a well-made, thoughtful flick … but what’s up with that rape scene?

Dawn of the Dead

Still the best zombie movie ever and Zack Snyder made a pretty darn good remake. Obviously what sets this movie apart is it’s a nice satire of our materialistic culture. See, you can have a low, crappy budget ($500,000) and still say something in a B-movie genre. This movie is also pretty funny and I remember as a kid making fun of it, not realizing a lot of it was supposed to be a goof. This is the type of movie Robert Rodriguez is aiming to make, I’m sure.

Escape From New York

I’d be willing to bet Tarantino cast Kurt Russell based solely on his work as “Snake” Plissken. I grew up on this movie and have probably seen it a good 20-30 times and though it gets more and more dated throughout the years, I still dig the hell out of it. Crime is out of control in the future and Manhattan Island has now become the United States’ prison. The President of the United States is trapped on the Island and only one man can save him … “Snake” Plissken!!! When I was a kid and we played the aptly named game “Guns” (each kid got a toy gat and had to shoot each other … like tag with air bullets), I always wanted to be “Snake” Plissken.I haven’t seen Death Proof yet, but it looks to me like Tarantino was heavily influenced by a Plissken, Switchblade Sisters and The Road Warrior. Hopefully they don’t ruin this one in the remake. Can’t be worse than the sequel, I guess.

Last House On The Left

This 1972 movie was one of the earliest by horror-master Wes Craven and it is one, fat, stinky turd. You can see the fumes coming off of this one a mile away. The funny thing is - on paper - the plot sounds interesting. It’s the wonderful tale of a gang of murderers who rape and murder a pair of teenage girls (who’s only crime was wanting to get high … that’ll teach’em) and unwittingly take shelter with the victims’ parents. When the parents find out what happened to their kids, they turn from nice, hospitable hosts to revenge-bent torturers.

So many GH features like this one are just poorly acted, have terrible dialogue, rancid editing and seriously awkward (horrifyingly awkward) shifts in tone. For example, the rape scenes in the movie are exploitive and just hard as hell to watch. That’s all fine and dandy but interspersed throughout the movie are the wacky antics of the sheriff and his deputy. Asking an audience to get in a jokey, sunnier mood after the seriously graphic depictions of abuse upon two young girls is, in my mind, a tad bold. Yet, the sherrif and deputy in Last House On The Left are there to provide the comic-relief. Craven’s version of Laurel & Hardy get into one hilarious, fun-filled episode after another … you know, to keep your minds off of all rapes and castrations. Speaking of castration, there is a seriously bad one in this movie. Imagine Lorena Bobbit trading in her knife and just using her teeth. Good times.

I Spit On Your Grave

This flick has similar misfired attempts at humor with the zany hijinks of a half-witted rapist! No, seriously. He’s played for laughs. He acts like a cartoon version of a retarded person. He makes lame jokes. And he doesn’t mind a little rape every now and again. Oh, that silly bastard! He reminds me of the town rapist in Borat. Naughty, naughty!

Once again, the plot if fairly simple and is your standard I Was Raped And Will Now Cut Off Your Dick tale. Oh, and the chick in this movie gets raped not just once, or twice but on three separate occasions … because one rape wasn’t bad enough. I was going to pick up either this or Gator Bait (starring former Playboy Playmate of the Year, Claudia Jennings), but opted for this one because it’s considered more of a classic. Classic what? There’s far too many “classics” like I Spit On Your Grave, than there are Dawn of the Dead so I don’t expect I will be picking up Jennings’ movie any time soon.

Having gone through these bad boys, I feel like I’m well-prepped for the Rod-Tino collaboration this weekend. I’m even going to go to the theatre in true scumbag fashion. I’ve already picked out my favorite wife-beater (complete with a coffee stain) and most raggedy pair of jeans. I don’t smoke, but I’m thinking of sticking a cancer stick above my ear for show. I’ll see y’all at the grindhouse.

Tarantino and Rodriguez’s Grindhouse opens this Friday, April 6. For more on that film including 11 clips click here.

Related post categories: Editorials, Features : Grindhouse

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